Residency, By the Numbers

Years of residency	3
Months of residency	36
Days of residency	1094
Number of them I spent overnight in the hospital	223
Most hours worked at a time	36
Most hours worked in 48-hour period	40
Number of pts I admitted (approx)	~1500
Number that died under my watch	Small handful
Number of pages received	TNTC
Number of times I threw my pager into the wall	0 (!)
Number of lumbar punctures	12
Number where I shook the needle because of a page	2
Number of patients in my clinic panel	110
Number who I truly liked	2
Number of pelvic exams I did	36
Number I enjoyed	0
Number of times I pinched a cervix	1 (so sorry)
Number of times I performed the "whiff test"	1
Number of times I converted my PPD	0
Number of needle sticks	1 (pt HIV negative, whew)
Number of lawsuits	0
Number of days left of residency	0

Nasty

I stepped into an elevator at work today just as another patient joined me. It was only the two of us. He was in the hospital for, among other things, ulcerative colitis, and thus was having large amounts of bloody diarrhea.

A few seconds into the ride a loud rumbling noise emerged from the depths of his GI tract, prompting a look from me in his direction. He proudly clutched his belly and announced, "Sorry, I've got gas!" When the elevator stopped on his floor, he walked out wearing nothing but his hospital gown ... which, at this time now, was dripping multiple globs of light brown watery stool with each forward step.

As if that weren't bad enough, while walking out myself, I accidentally stepped in one of his disgusting puddles.

I spent the next hour at a nursing station with every anti-infective spray, cream, and wipe that they had. You can find my shoes in the garbage.

Nasty.